Kolkata, Jan 13 (UNI) Speaking out against what she described as deep-rooted ageism and gendered expectations, author and social commentator Shobhaa De has argued that Indian society remains deeply uncomfortable with women of a certain age expressing sensuality or sexuality.
In an interaction at the 17th Apeejay Kolkata Literary Festival, De observed that such a societal notion strips women of visibility and desire as they grow older,
She said while ageing is universally difficult, it is particularly harsh for women. “We live in a very ageist world. Not just in India, even across the world, growing old is almost a crime and particularly for women, the world can be extremely cruel and the stereotype that you have to become very non-threatening, like a Lila Mishra kind of harmless little granny.”
De noted that women are boxed into narrow roles throughout their lives, which only shrink further with age. “But most women, society renders them invisible; they’re just simply not seen after a certain age; they cease to exist; they don’t register. They walk into a room and chances are, their presence itself is ignored.”
The 78-year-old columnist said popular culture reduces older women to two extremes, the asexual grandmother or the exaggerated”cougar”, leaving little space for nuanced representation.
“Our society simply does not encourage women of a certain age to project sensuality, sexuality, or any kind of appeal, because it’s very, very intimidating to society to accommodate these women. Where do you fit them in? Every woman is given a role from the time she’s born.
“Once she’s had her kids, once she’s a grandmother, what do you do with her? Then, she’d better just stay home and mind her own business and stay out of harm – I mean, leave the rest of the world alone and possibly sit there and knit a Kashmiri-type shawl for her grandchildren,” said the author, known for her championing of feminism and bold statements on sensitive topics like sex and sexuality.
De stressed that sensuality and sexuality are not the same and are often wrongly mixed up. She described sensuality as a heightened awareness of life’s simple pleasures, smell, touch, taste and emotional closeness, rather than sexual expression alone.
De clarified that she was not referring to intimacy in the bedroom. “It’s about beauty, it’s about touch, it’s about fragrance, it’s about food. It’s about the little acts every day, between yourselves as a family and certainly with your partner, that can enhance your life in a wonderful way if you’re mindful, aware that at some point we lost track and at some point we can always come back to something that was precious and actually to something so rich that enriched us so much.”
Referring to the obsessions with appearance, De said expectations around women’s bodies are passed down through generations. Cosmetic interventions, she added, may be easier to access, but they do not address underlying issues of self-worth.
De lamented the disappearance of flirtation and slow romance in contemporary life, saying many young people are puzzled by terms like “woo” and “courtship”. “We are wired to love,” she said, expressing confidence that intimacy will make a comeback.
