Yes! You got it wrong if you thought that the word 'international' had been misspelled in the very title of this write-up. Did you take it as a clue to the writer's, editor's or proofreader's heedlessness or inebriation?

The word 'indiarnational' popped out of my hat (nay, turban) when I was pondering over the statement made by the language expert David Crystal that the way Indians speak English (till now frowned upon) was going to be the standard model of international English in the times to come. A very plain question is confusing me (this confusion has nothing to do with my being a Sikh Jat) whether we, the Indians, should take it as compliment when scholars of Crystal's eminence predict that international model of English is going to be greatly influenced by the Indian English (or Inglish or Hinglish). We fervently glorify the achievement of persons who were not even born in India (Likes of Sunita Williams) and stretch all our cognitive acumen to find (sometimes imagine) the facts (facts?) to establish their Indian lineage. We tend to feel proud when Monty Panesar does the 'Full Monty' and mints wickets (even when he tames the Team India). This peep into Indian mindset (which easily upsets) assures me that 'yes', we have got enough reason to get puffed up with joy.

It is not a small achievement that we, the Indians (the likes of Rushdie and Amartya excluded), are giving the world a new model of English blended with our Hinglish.

It is another thing that we were not even aware of it till we were told by the very people whose language we have customized (or messed with?) and really checkmated them on this account.

How did we do it? The answer is very simple. It was a joint effort on the part of the Indians. Who said our growing (or gnawing?) population is an encumbrance to our steps forward? Here is the positive effect for all to see. LO and Behold! Our Inglish has come of age, (to upstage, of course!). Mere (Mere?) one hundred million (out of more than a billion) Indians who speak (or creak?) this language have outweighed the entire population of Britain to win the English versus Inglish war. The logic (somewhat illogical) is simple. If 7 persons out of 10 do a certain thing in a certain way (even if it is a little out of the way) certainly establish a way of doing that. Remaining three can either fret and fray or fall in way with the way suggested by the smart seven who merit to be in the seventh heaven.

Now the native speakers of English who once got ruffled or made fun of the way we Indians speak or write English will have to fall into step with us. It reminds me of one letter written in 1909 which is still preserved in the Sahibjung Railway Divisional Office and is considered a specimen of Babu English which snobbish Britishers considered a distortion of their (no more their) prized language. At that time they didn't know that one day the features of this very Inglish would rock their boat and be at the helm. I would like to reproduce the text of that letter which was printed at the back of a pocket size calendar for the year....year?

Dear Sir,

I am arrive by passenger train at Ahmedpore Station and my belly is too swelling with jack fruit. I am therefore went to privy. Just I doing the nuisance, that guard making whistle blow for train to go off and I am running with lotah in one hand and Dhotie in the next when I am fall over and expose all my shookings to man, female, women on platform. I am get leaved at Ahmedapore station.

This too much bad, if passenger go to make dung, that dam guard no wait train five minutes for him. I am therefore pray your honour to make big fine on that guard for public sake. Otherwise I am making big report to papers.

Yours faithful servant,

Okhil CH Sen

The 'Inglish' of this letter might do to the native speaker what that jack fruit did to the stomach of Okhil Sen (indigestion, of course!) but the letter jolted the Railway authorities and toilets were provided in trains only after receipt of this letter. This letter was written when our attempts at learning this language were in nascent stage. Now this language is no more a 'foran' (foreign) or 'firangi' language. It is one of the many Indian languages (how many exactly?) We drove away the English but retained English. We were shrewd (really?) enough to not to throw the baby out with the bathwater. We have mastered its nitty-gritty and it has got tailored as per our needs. Our English (say Hinglish!) has a unique influence of our native languages especially on its phonology.

So, it is inevitable that we are going to turn the tables on British and Americans (Who said they are undefeatable?) and present the world with a new model of English on a table. Just visualize the situation when our 'Hinglish' will be the global model of 'English' and the people round the word will be sweating out to learn it.

In India English is spoken with different accents in different states. But yet too many cooks have not spoiled the broth. Our cooks have given the broth (English) a special flavour which earlier used to cause itch in the nostrils(and at some other sensitive spots) of those who thought they were the master chef of this broth. Now they have to get used to this tang given by our cook-chill method.

Dear Readers, did you discern some oddities in my writing style? Then what? It's 'my', yes, 'my' English, nay, Hinglish.